On Being Rejected, Accepted, and Rewarded
Rejection stings. There's nothing more painful than being rejected by the people, places, and parties you love. Learn this most powerful skill in the universe only wisdom can teach you over time.
My older brother attended Mizzou.
Where else was I going to apply for college? I did what he did. He was my role model growing up.
It was painful being initially rejected from the University of Missouri-Columbia. The feeling that you are not welcome where you want to be can stir up some unhealthy emotions, especially when you have your whole life ahead.
A month later I received a letter stating I was awarded the Ponder Minority Scholarship. It represented $10,000 in funding toward my undergraduate degree in marketing. Then I received official acceptance I was going to be a Tiger just like my older brother.
On Being Rejected
There are multiple scenarios where you can be rejected in life. I asked ChatGPT to help identify where you might also experience rejection. Many of these I have personally experienced at least once throughout my life.
1. Relationships and Dating
- Romantic Rejection: When someone you're interested in doesn't reciprocate feelings or ends a relationship.
- Friendship Rejection: Being excluded from a social group or not being chosen as a friend.
- Family Rejection: Disagreements or conflicts that cause distancing or estrangement from family members.
2. Career and Professional Life
- Job Applications: Rejection after submitting resumes, going through interviews, or even after trial periods.
- Promotion and Advancement: Not being selected for a raise or promotion despite hard work.
- Business Proposals: Having your business ideas or pitches turned down by investors, clients, or partners.
- Workplace Rejection: Not being included in projects or social circles at work.
3. Education
- Admissions: Being rejected by schools, colleges, or universities.
- Scholarships: Not being selected for financial aid or academic grants.
- Academic Work: Receiving negative feedback on research papers, theses, or other academic work.
- Social Rejection in School: Bullying, exclusion from peer groups, or being overlooked for extracurriculars.
4. Creative and Artistic Endeavors
- Publishing: Writers, artists, or musicians often face rejection when submitting their work to publishers, galleries, or labels.
- Auditions: Actors, dancers, and performers can be rejected after auditions or tryouts.
- Feedback: Receiving harsh criticism or rejection of your creative work from critics or audiences.
5. Social Rejection
- Peer Groups: Being left out or not fitting into a social circle.
- Online Communities: Being blocked, unfollowed, or receiving negative feedback in online forums or social media.
- Invitations: Not being invited to social events or gatherings.
6. Financial Situations
- Loan Applications: Being denied a personal, business, or home loan due to credit or other factors.
- Credit Card Rejection: Having a credit card application rejected.
- Financial Aid: Being turned down for government or private financial assistance.
7. Sports and Competitive Activities
- Team Selection: Not making it onto a sports team or not being picked during team selections.
- Competition Rejection: Failing to win or advance in competitions, whether in sports or other competitive arenas.
8. Health and Medical
- Medical Trials: Being excluded from participating in clinical trials or treatments.
- Health Insurance: Rejection of health insurance claims or coverage for certain conditions.
- Organ Donor Lists: Being denied eligibility for organ transplants due to various factors.
9. Social Justice and Activism
- Policy Rejection: Facing rejection when advocating for certain policies or reforms.
- Volunteering: Not being selected for volunteer opportunities due to qualifications or other factors.
10. Personal Goals and Aspirations
- Rejection by Self: Self-doubt and personal rejection of goals due to fear of failure or imposter syndrome.
- Failing at Personal Milestones: Not reaching personal goals, leading to a sense of rejection from oneself or society’s standards.
These rejections can have various emotional effects, but learning to cope with and overcome them is crucial for personal growth and resilience.
On Acceptance
The more times you try something new, the higher the likelihood you will get what you want although it’s never guaranteed. I asked ChatGPT to help identify where you might also experience acceptance.
1. Relationships and Dating
- Romantic Acceptance: When someone reciprocates romantic interest, leading to dating or long-term partnerships.
- Friendship Acceptance: Being invited into social circles or forming meaningful, close friendships.
- Family Acceptance: Support and affirmation from family members, especially during important life events or decisions.
2. Career and Professional Life
- Job Offers: Receiving a job offer after applications or interviews.
- Promotions and Raises: Being accepted for higher roles, leadership positions, or salary increases.
- Business Partnerships: Having your business proposal or collaboration accepted by investors, clients, or partners.
- Workplace Inclusion: Being included in projects, team activities, and social events within the workplace.
3. Education
- School/College Admissions: Getting accepted into schools, colleges, or universities.
- Scholarships: Receiving academic or financial scholarships based on merit or need.
- Academic Recognition: Positive feedback and acceptance of academic work, research, or projects.
- Social Inclusion in School: Being accepted into peer groups, clubs, or extracurricular activities.
4. Creative and Artistic Endeavors
- Publishing Success: Having your work—whether a book, artwork, or music—accepted by publishers, galleries, or record labels.
- Successful Auditions: Being cast or selected for a role in acting, dancing, or other performance arts.
- Positive Criticism: Receiving favorable reviews or praise for your creative work from critics, audiences, or peers.
5. Social Acceptance
- Peer Acceptance: Being included in social groups, gaining popularity or respect among peers.
- Online Communities: Being followed, liked, or positively acknowledged in online spaces or social media platforms.
- Invitations: Being invited to social events, gatherings, or important functions.
6. Financial Success
- Loan Approval: Getting approved for personal, business, or home loans, or other financial support.
- Credit Card Approval: Acceptance of your credit card application or higher credit limit offers.
- Financial Aid: Being approved for government or private financial assistance, grants, or relief funds.
7. Sports and Competitive Activities
- Team Selection: Being chosen to join a sports team or being drafted into a competitive team or league.
- Competition Success: Winning or advancing in sports, games, or other competitive activities, validating skills and efforts.
8. Health and Medical
- Clinical Trials: Being accepted into clinical trials or advanced treatment options.
- Insurance Coverage: Approval for health insurance or for specific medical procedures and treatments.
- Organ Donor Lists: Being accepted as eligible for organ transplants or life-saving medical procedures.
9. Social Justice and Activism
- Policy Acceptance: Having your advocacy for certain policies or reforms recognized and accepted by organizations, government bodies, or communities.
- Volunteering: Being selected or invited to participate in meaningful volunteer opportunities for causes you're passionate about.
10. Personal Goals and Aspirations
- Self-Acceptance: Reaching a level of self-love, validation, and confidence in your own abilities, goals, and values.
- Success in Personal Milestones: Achieving personal goals such as completing education, starting a family, or developing a skill that brings fulfillment and acceptance from within.
Acceptance in these areas often provides emotional and mental reinforcement, encouraging further growth and self-esteem. It builds strong connections with others and a deeper sense of belonging.
On Being Rewarded
When you experience success after success from taking action, you can also be rewarded in very special ways. These help you achieve personal and professional goals. I asked ChatGPT to help identify where you might also experience intrinsic and extrinsic rewards.
1. Relationships and Dating
- Romantic Rewards: Feeling valued and cherished in a relationship through acts of love, support, and affirmation. Rewards may include gifts, time spent together, or shared experiences.
- Friendship Rewards: Emotional rewards from loyal, supportive friendships. This may include acts of kindness, invitations to special events, or being there in times of need.
- Family Rewards: Recognition from family members, such as gratitude for support, celebration of milestones (birthdays, anniversaries), or being entrusted with family responsibilities.
2. Career and Professional Life
- Financial Bonuses: Earning bonuses, commissions, or profit-sharing for achieving targets, exceeding expectations, or contributing to a company’s success.
- Promotions and Raises: Rewarded with higher positions, increased responsibilities, or salary raises for exceptional work performance.
- Employee Recognition Programs: Being acknowledged through “Employee of the Month” awards, certificates, or public praise at work for outstanding contributions.
- Career Milestone Celebrations: Being rewarded for years of service, retiring with honors, or receiving industry-wide recognition for professional excellence.
3. Education
- Scholarships and Grants: Receiving financial rewards in the form of scholarships or academic grants for high performance or need-based qualifications.
- Honor Rolls and Awards: Being placed on honor rolls, receiving medals, trophies, or academic awards for excelling in studies, research, or school activities.
- Public Recognition: Earning public acknowledgment from teachers, school officials, or peers for achievements in education, athletics, or extracurricular activities.
4. Creative and Artistic Endeavors
- Publication or Exhibition: Being rewarded with the opportunity to publish a book, display art in a gallery, or have music produced, giving public exposure and recognition for creative work.
- Awards and Prizes: Winning artistic competitions, such as film festivals, writing contests, or music awards.
- Financial Success: Earning royalties, sales, or grants as a reward for creating work that resonates with audiences and buyers.
- Positive Reviews and Fame: Garnering praise from critics, audiences, or peers, boosting reputation and increasing opportunities for future work.
5. Social Rewards
- Social Media Validation: Receiving likes, shares, comments, and follows on platforms like Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook can be a form of reward for sharing content or contributing to online discussions.
- Peer Respect: Being rewarded with admiration, influence, or leadership roles within social circles or communities.
- Invitations to Exclusive Events: Being rewarded with invitations to high-profile social gatherings, parties, or conferences, recognizing one's social standing or influence.
6. Financial Rewards
- Investments: Receiving high returns on investments in stocks, real estate, or other ventures.
- Business Profit: Financial rewards through entrepreneurship or business success, including revenue growth, dividends, or selling a company at a profit.
- Incentives and Grants: Being rewarded with grants, tax breaks, or financial incentives from the government or private entities for community contributions or innovation.
7. Sports and Competitive Activities
- Trophies and Medals: Winning trophies, medals, or other honors for success in sports, athletics, or other competitive activities.
- Monetary Prizes: Earning prize money or sponsorship deals for excelling in competitions, sports events, or esports.
- Public Recognition: Being honored with championship parades, media attention, or fan loyalty for exceptional performance in sports or games.
8. Health and Medical
- Health Milestones: Receiving rewards in the form of improved health, wellness, or fitness after dedicating effort to exercise, nutrition, or treatment regimens.
- Insurance Benefits: Earning wellness credits, discounts, or rewards from health insurance providers for engaging in healthy activities, such as quitting smoking or reaching fitness goals.
- Medical Research Breakthroughs: Being rewarded with grants, patents, or awards for contributing to life-saving medical research or innovations.
9. Social Justice and Activism
- Advocacy Awards: Receiving recognition through humanitarian or advocacy awards for efforts in social justice, environmental activism, or community service.
- Grants and Funding: Being rewarded with funding or grants to support initiatives that promote equality, justice, or environmental sustainability.
- Public Recognition: Earning media attention or community praise for impactful work in advancing social causes.
10. Personal Goals and Aspirations
- Self-Reward: Treating oneself with rewards like vacations, new purchases, or leisure activities after reaching a personal milestone or overcoming a challenge.
- Achievement Recognition: Being awarded certifications, badges, or titles after completing personal development goals, such as fitness programs, educational courses, or skill-building activities.
- Improved Well-Being: Reaping rewards in the form of increased confidence, happiness, or self-worth after working hard on personal growth or overcoming obstacles.
Rewards in these areas often enhance motivation, provide validation, and help build confidence, whether the rewards are material (money, gifts) or intangible (praise, opportunities). They can further lead to growth, fulfillment, and success in other parts of life.
The Life Cycle of Growth
You can turn every ‘No’ into an opportunity where others will accept and reward you. This goes for your personal and professional journey. The one quote my fraternity at Mizzou Phi Gamma Delta reminded me over and over was this:
“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”
Calvin Coolidge, 30th President United States
You are guaranteed to be rejected. If you aren’t being rejected, likely, you aren’t trying anything new. Setback after setback and with the help of my family, close friends, and the grace of God I’m still able to make a difference. Each day represents a new page to write, each year represents a new chapter, and each decade could represent its own book through life. Persistence is the one skill that helps you overcome rejection time after time. The best way to learn persistence is to develop a growth mindset by reframing rejection as an opportunity, celebrating the small wins, and positively talking to yourself.
That starts with YOU!